Things I've Learned From The Movies

All telephone #s in America begin with 555.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer,it won't be necessary to speak the language.A German accent will do.

Kitchens don't have light switches.When entering a kitchen at night,you should open the fridge door,and use that light instead.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

If you find yourself caught in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanaton,for goodness sake,keep your mouth shut.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

When confronted by an evil internatonal terrorist,sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

1 man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.

Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.

If being fired at by Germans,hide in a river or even a bath.German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override communicaton systems of any invading alien civilization.

All computer disks will work in all computers,regardless of operating systems or configuations.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they're delibrately assigned a partner who's their total opposite.

When they're alone,all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need 1.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds-unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

You can tell if somebody is British because they'll be wearing a bow tie.

When driving a car its normal to look not at the road,but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat the entire journey.

An electric fence,powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an 8 year old child.

Having a job of any kind will make father forget their son's 8th birthday.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down 3 days before retirement.

If you're blond and pretty,its possible to become a world expert in nuclear fission at age 22.